There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
