I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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