i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
