I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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