I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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