I can text with my tongue
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
