i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
