Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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