I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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