I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
