Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
