so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize