Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
