i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
