Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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