toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
