I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
