do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
