I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
