I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I checked into jail on foursquare
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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