Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
your room smells of hookers.
And success
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize