Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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