ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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