do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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