Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
