i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
