so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My balls are so social today.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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