don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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