Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Randomize
