she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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