you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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