i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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