As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
