And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
