Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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