Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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