i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
