Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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