yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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