so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
