I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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