Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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