look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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