I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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