fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
