Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
