I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love you. Go after that dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
