God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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