my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
