He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
