Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
