i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
