My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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