dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
