Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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