He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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