wat bout pragnant strippers??
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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