She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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